Him: “I am offended by you, You make me seem so selfish and narcissistic. I have had a problem with you and this for years.”
Him: “I don’t know where you got those ideas... You are very immature. Remember all the things I have done for you and not the things you say I didn’t.”
~A Bad News Bear.
As a response to his attempt to guilt-trip me into cooperation, I pointed out his selfish qualities and insensitive, hurtful actions that put his lack of character on a silver platter (in my opinion).
Thanks to this “friend” I learned quite a bit over the years, but I was not sure why my now ex-guy-friend got so heated about me MAKING him seem SO selfish (after a year of not seeing each other).
Did it take him all these years to realize that my reactions to his actions were NOT giving him the validation he expected from others? Or was it simply the last straw and he had to lash out because I was not acting the way he wanted (giving him a little taste of his own medicine)?
Was he really that clueless and selfish? Yes, he was.
Over the years of knowing this “friend” my closer friends would ask, “Shamime, why haven’t you explained to him that you don’t believe in marriage or want kids, therefore, dating is seen as a casual engagement that does not have to end with a wedding?”
I replied, “If he would take interest in me beyond speaking in sentences that were not, ‘Hey girl, how ya’doin’, come on over, bring your friends...’ or if he wouldn’t speak to everyone else about how great a mother and wife I will make. Maybe one day he and I will have a conversation...but I do not need to seek out a person, tie them down and make them listen. One day he will have a rude awakening.”
Sure enough he did have an awakening. Having to “piggyback” on of his friend to find employment resulted in an awakening, “of sorts.” He had to “actively listen” to other people in order to get a paycheck.
His “social” rude awakening may never come. With me it was four years into a “friendship” and he was finally ready to talk and listen to what I had to say....but he was four years too late. His latent interest came packaged in a selfish “garb” claiming it was my fault that I didn’t speak enough and THAT made him SEEM the narcissistic man he believes he is not.
By all means, if I had the power to mold men and make them a certain way...I wouldn’t be making negative, narcissistic, unfulfilled, butt-hurt men...I would be creating my very own SELF confident
Barack Obama...
Moral of the Story: The guy I once kissed said I talk too much. The guy I never kissed, yet, described above said I didn’t talk enough. BOTH men didn’t receive the validation they thought they deserved. Sometimes we don’t act the way others want us to and vice versa...that does not mean we are any better, less or more mature than the other. It means we need to work on communication, setting our ego aside and acknowledge imperfection so we can grow together as individuals.
