(This post is written with females in mind, but can go both ways.)
About two summers ago my friend came over for lunch at my apartment. She exclaimed, “Shamime, you look amazing! What are you doing?” I sighed and stated “perfection through rejection...” I felt rejected so I began focusing on myself, my weight my skin, cooking better food for people. I was determined to fix all the reasons why I believed no man wanted to date me or be a boyfriend. I was tired of chaste guys asking me my views on marriage as if I was single because I was “waiting” and listening to them arrogantly exclaiming how they do not drink or have sex... I was tired of my friend's "male friends" asking to “get into my hair” while at a party. Why couldn’t a guy who has graduated from college and wasn’t looking for marriage or instant sex be interested in me? When did men stop just grabbing a cup of coffee and having a conversation?
Some of my Female friends said, “You have strong ethics and morals...you are picky too!” But do I have to have strong morals when a man is bluntly texting me, “My mind is in the gutter ma” or “So do you like to have sex?” Is it really picky when one man makes you loath half of your ethnic/racial make up and the other leaves you on a San Francisco cliff with a hurt knee? Then the men I did like never seemed to see me beyond the realm of friendship??
“Why doesn’t he like me? What was so wrong with me?”
“I have to change.”
“I will go on a diet...or to the gym...skip breakfast and lunch, didn’t have time for dinner...focus on school, focus on myself...Now it is ME time.”
Sound familiar?
If you did the rejecting, WAY TO GO! KEEP IT UP! But I never even dated and felt rejected, SO I can only imagine if a man dumped a girl and how she would feel.
There is nothing wrong with focusing on yourself instead of men; but the point is, obsessing over your faults is no good at all.
Unless a man said, “Here is a list of why I don’t like you, and what you should change,” I don’t believe women should beat themselves up over being rejected or just not his “type.” BUT this is indeed a constant battle.
After that summer, I realized I didn’t need to change ANYTHING. I am happy with me but the doubt still surfaces when I see others experiencing “Love, Like, Attraction” through facebook....
