“The hook up culture”: it’s definitely something...I would love to hook up with some of my guy friends...but I know my personality doesn’t lend itself to “casual sex” or “casual intimate anything” at this stage in my life (maybe things will change, when I turn 30). It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with me and it’s no secret to my man friends that I believe in dating first (like real dates with conversations and not just a stuffed animal and a hug). If they don’t want to date me, they don’t get to sleep with me and we can just enjoy looking at each other. There isn’t anything wrong with that and I would much prefer to have attractive man friends, a dog and a cat rather than a broken heart and a STD.
“Giving it away” early DOES give him a lot of power...I see it with all of my attractive man friends. Once my UCLA friend said something about sorority girls validating themselves through male attention and all they want is that ... a few months later he said he wanted to see me have fun and party like a sorority girl, minus being a slut...he also mentioned to my female friend that I would make a great mom and wife, someday...My similar CSU friend accidentally responded to my “Merry Christmas” text by asking about hooking up. When I told him he accidentally texted SHAMIME and obviously, he was still up to his same old ways...He replied, “Oh hey! The girl I was texting is not a lady at all, so how are you?”
I mentioned the above because men DO know the difference between the girls that are just there for sex and girls that could become something more serious. They just don’t have to make any choice! Like, why buy the newspaper, when you can get everything (and more) instantly online? The same applies to women: why invest in a chick you have to commit to when you can bounce around with many?
Not all men are like the above, but if given the chance I think they would be. I think it’s normal for men (and women) to play the field (I don’t plan on marrying the first person I date). As long as men know which women to respect; which women WANT to sleep with them (with no strings); and which ones are “not like that,” things will be okay! But the big problem is when men and women get manipulative and use or exploit sex for a greater gain (either entrapment or bragging rights).
On the flip side I think something is wrong, when I see extremely Christian or religious men waiting for marriage...there are extremes to every situation and RESPECTFUL non belittling communication between both male and female is key.
One of my religious, “nice guy” friends doesn’t sleep around, because he says he believes in “waiting for marriage.” Also he has never had a girlfriend to change his mind. WHY hasn’t he had a girlfriend? Maybe because he’s arrogant and has opinions of, “How women should act.” When I counter his opinions he usually projects on me that, “I am different/nice” (ignoring my opinions). He counters my opinions offensively by saying he doesn’t think “going to a lounge is proper, or he wouldn’t tell his parents I am half black, and he wouldn’t offer to pay, because of equality...or did I want to go back to the days before equality?” All of his comments pissed me off MORE than any man sleeping with multiple women and not committing to just me!!! Because those men still have
SOME respect for my opinions, even if they don’t agree with what I say they can maturely engage with my opinions (or ignore them), but not belittle them.
I look forward to having great conversations with a man and sex with that SAME man; I’ll even toss in homemade dinners! I have nothing against women that sleep with a man first thing, but MY man WILL exclusively date me.... I didn’t say marry, I just said date...and if he doesn’t want to? He doesn’t have to! It’s his loss, he’s missing out.
I’m not the clingy type, but I am a committed soul.
